Not_Hard

It's Not As Hard As It Sounds

People are so impressed when I tell them I homeschool: "Wow, I could never do that," they say in hushed tones, eyes wide with wonder. Often they’ll go on to confess how they can’t wait for summer vacation to be over or ask if I was a teacher before I was a homeschooling mom. I’m never quite sure how to respond. Do I let them in on what I think of as The Big Secret of Homeschooling? Or do I let them go on thinking of me as some kind of parental-educational saint? Usually honesty wins out, and I let the cat out of the bag: "It’s not as hard as it sounds," I admit. I’m rarely believed, but it’s the truth. Over the past three years of our homeschooling journey, I’ve become convinced that learning together as a family is far easier than delegating that responsibility to someone else.

I’ve also seen ways in which homeschoolers can make things harder for themselves than is really necessary. Too often, when Mom and Dad bring the kids home from school, they bring school home as well, with its schedules for learning, testing and related anxieties, busywork, and heavy expectations on small minds and bodies. Some folks who use a purchased curriculum find themselves tied to approaches to learning that don’t suit their child, resulting in frustration for all concerned. Some don’t recognize the time it can take for a previously schooled child to heal from wounds suffered in school. Some are so excited by the prospect of homeschooling and being the teacher that they overwhelm their children with expectations and activities, while their children have no where safe to escape from "school" and "teacher."

I tell beginning homeschoolers to relax, relax, relax. I tell myself the same thing on those days when I imagine my kids will grow up with no knowledge of Roman numerals or dangling participles unless I crack the whip, academically speaking. The reality is that conscientious homeschooling parents are unlikely to do any lasting damage to their children by relaxing their school-related demands. Kids will learn the basics because…they’re basic! They’re called basics because they’re so hard to avoid, and no kids in reasonably busy homes will avoid them. And when I tacked up a Roman numeral chart a few months ago, I discovered that my husband didn’t know his Roman numerals beyond ten or fifteen—and it hasn’t hampered his life one whit. How much of what we think is important for our kids to learn is genuinely vital? And of what is really important, how much of that will our kids pick up effortlessly (or nearly so) in time? Probably quite a lot.

I also advise new homeschoolers not to spend too much money right away. It can be tempting to rush right out to buy something (anything!) to alleviate that I-just-started-homeschooling-and-don’t-know-what-I’m-doing panic, but it’s not worth it. Take your time, talk to other homeschoolers about what kinds of materials they use and like and why, and send away for lots of catalogs of educational supplies and read through them. Take the time to observe your children as well: how do they like to learn? Are they drawn to reading? Do they need to do in order to learn? Do they like to be with other people a lot, or are they happier working on projects on their own? As you watch your kids and explore learning materials, you’ll begin to get a sense for what kinds of materials are likely to work well for your kids. You’ll still probably make mistakes, like my friend who purchased cool math manipulatives for her kids only to discover that the kids preferred to use them to make collages (expensive collages!). But the more you know before you buy, the less likely you are to make big (expensive) mistakes.

So what do you do while you’re relaxing, credit card safe inside your wallet, watching your kids get used to being free from school? You can read up on homeschooling. My current favorite books on homeschooling are The Homeschooling Handbook and The Unschooling Handbook, both by Mary Griffith, and The Homeschooling Book of Answers, edited by Linda Dobson. Or you can try homeschooling yourself: tackle a project you’ve been putting off, learn to play a musical instrument, read those books you’ve been meaning to get to, get a field guide out of the library and identify some trees, birds, or rocks. Maybe your kids will get interested in what you’re up to and join in; maybe they won’t. Either way, you’ll be too busy to put excess pressure on the kids, and you’ll be demonstrating the fun of learning and exploring. You’ll be having fun—and who can resist a happy mom or dad?

New to homeschooling? It’s not as hard as it sounds!