It's Not About School

Curriculum. Lesson plans. Scope and sequence. Schedule. School year. Learning objectives. What math curriculum is best for a kinesthetic-auditory learner? Which should my children learn first, Latin or a currently spoken language? What’s the difference between Beautiful Feet and Sonlight? What should my kindergartener be learning? How do I teach my daughter to read? When should I start teaching my six year old spelling? What algebra text is best? Must my son do biology before chemistry? Shouldn’t my daughter know how to write a persuasive essay by now?

These are the words and questions that abound among homeschoolers, both at online message boards and in homeschooling support groups around the country. Daily I read several homeschooling message boards on the Internet; daily I read these and a hundred other questions like them. Sometimes I answer: I have opinions on curricula, when kids might best be exposed to what, ways to think about our expectations for our children. Lately, though, I’ve been questioning the wisdom of even entering into these conversations, except perhaps as a cranky gadfly.

What’s wrong with all this discussion of what must be, after all, the nuts and bolts of homeschooling? Surely homeschoolers need to think about what learning resources to use, when to use them, what are effective approaches to teaching different kinds of learners. Surely it’s wise to pool our collective wisdom and experience, to share our experiences with different curricula, to point out the weaknesses in different approaches to homeschooling, and to share the resources we’ve found most helpful—and those that stank. Yet all this talk of books and lesson plans, classical homeschooling and unit studies, Life in America and Alpha Omega, chronological history versus American history first obscures the heart of homeschooling and runs the risk of discouraging homeschoolers from pursuing what really counts in homeschooling: a home life rich in love and lifelong learning.

When new homeschoolers launch into homeschooling by way of curriculum fairs, homeschool supply catalogs, and message boards or support group meetings filled with talk of the schoolish aspects of homeschooling, they believe the lie that homeschooling is of necessity about school. What else could it be about? It’s about planning a schedule for the school day, choosing between Writing Strands and Wordsmith, motivating seven year olds to sit still for spelling time, discovering our eight year old’s learning style.

But all of this misses the heart of homeschooling, for homeschooling at its best is not about academics. We keep our children home so we can continue to build rich relationships with them as they grow, so we can be their staunchest allies and fiercest advocates, so we can be their models, and so our examples can lay a foundation of spiritual and emotional health that will last them a lifetime and into eternity. If that is what all good parents desire for their children, even those who choose other educational options for them, it is no less the heart of homeschooling.

Many homeschooling parents truly enjoy the schoolish parts of homeschooling. Many moms love the planning, the teaching tips, the homeschooling jargon (LLATL or IEW? BJU or R & S? WTM or BF?). They thrill to find that pristine used copy of the now out of print Kingfisher Illustrated History of the World, delight in nabbing that Landmark book on EBay, and love to share their top ten lists of Fiction for Boys Under Ten. They agonize over their plans for the new school year with genuine relish for the task, zip around the vendor hall at the annual convention with a furrowed brow and a happy heart. Like any other hobby, playing school can be lots of fun.

But what of the parents who dislike lesson plans and who feel helpless in the face of the decisions that seem to be required? What about those who despair of ever learning the lingo and ever getting a handle on the subtle differences between Saxon and Horizons math? What about moms who don’t enjoy teaching, who feel oppressed by rather than energized by the offerings in homeschooling catalogs? Are they not cut out for homeschooling? Are their children better off in school, under the tutelage of professionals who know how to plan out a unit on amphibians, complete with field trips, hands-on activities, and creative assessment projects?

These parents may not be cut out for teaching school, but they are likely eminently well qualified to learn alongside their children at home, to support and encourage their young ones as they begin to make sense of the world around them, the mysteries of the printed word, the wonders of patterns and shapes and numbers. If they are willing to watch their children, listen to their children, learn from their children, and share their own worlds with their children, then they are not just adequate to the task of homeschooling; they are more qualified than the fanciest teacher among us. No child in a home with literate, caring, thoughtful adults will fail to be prepared for life beyond home. No child in a home with books and magazines and the welcoming lap of a reading adult will fail to learn to read, and nearly all such children will learn to love reading. No child in a healthy home will fail to learn all the arithmetic he or she needs to succeed as an adult.

These skills are basic, so basic to life in our time that they will be acquired by any healthy child whose parents are present and paying attention. Fancy curricula, expert teaching advice, and flash cards are not necessary. They may do no harm; they may help; but they’re not necessary.

Beyond the basics, children will learn what they are drawn to learn. If homeschooling parents are willing to put resources in the paths of our children, enable them to visit libraries, support their explorations and interests, our children will drink deeply of the sciences, history, art, music and other fields according to their bents. If they never master the periodic table of the elements, if geometry remains forever a blur to them, if the five-paragraph essay befuddles them into adulthood, they will still be OK. But if we as parents abandon our children in our efforts to track down the latest and greatest in homeschooling curricula, if we are so pressured by our homeschooling peers and those who would sell us homeschooling tools that we are stressed and distressed, what lesson will our children really learn? That learning is difficult and requires just the right approach? That I, the child, am to blame for not catching on to grammar or fractions or spelling, and I am driving Mom crazy? That the books matter more than the children?

The heart of homeschooling isn’t in the details: long division, onomatopoeia, iambic pentameter, the fall of Rome, or mitosis. The heart of homeschooling is in the home we build for our children. Homes full of love for one another, love of learning, interest in and concern for the world will almost surely produce well-educated young people, regardless of the methods or materials we choose to use in our homeschool. Homeschooling is not about school; it’s about home.